Tools & Tips To Improve Yourself
Building Trust with Someone Who Hurt You
You may be shocked to learn that people make mistakes. Humans are inherently flawed creatures. Some things are worse than others, but for the most part mistakes that hurt people are not done on purpose. Forgiveness can happen, and trust can be rebuilt if both parties want it to happen.
• Forgive Them – The only possible way to ever rebuild the trust you had is to forgive them truly. Remember that most of the time forgiveness is something you give yourself and not someone else. However, if you’re going to rebuild trust you have to verbally talk to them when they ask for forgiveness and give it with your whole heart.
• Forgive Yourself – Even if you had no actual responsibility or part in what happened, sometimes people feel guilty anyway about their role in something. If that’s you, it’s time to let that go. You cannot change the past. You can only change how you react to the results.
• Focus on The Positive – Once you have taken steps to work toward forgiveness and letting go of the hurt while rebuilding trust, you must focus on the positive. What is it about the relationship you want to survive? Place the work there.
• Take it One Day at A Time – Your feelings aren’t going to change overnight. The main thing is to realize that over time as you allow your relationship to grow you will experience feelings of trust again based on their actions.
• You’re Stronger Than You Think – While whatever happened hurt you very badly, it’s not the end of the world. People get hurt, and people get up and move through it. Other than murder, there is nothing anyone can do to you that will end your power.
• Evaluate the Situation Honestly – Before you work on building trust with anyone who has hurt you ensure that this is not habitual for them to do. Rebuilding trust takes both parties.
• Know What You Want – In any relationship you’re in, no matter if it’s a romantic partner or not, you should know what you want out of the relationship. When you know that, you know what to ask for as you work on the trust.
• Make a Fresh Start – Once you have discussed everything with the other person set a “start over” date. From that date forward, it’s essential to believe in and act in trust for each other as if nothing happened before, but with the changes you both agreed upon in the relationship to prevent a repeat.
• Get Professional Help – It may be important to get help from a professional to help you move forward. It will depend on the relationship status what type of professional you get to help you. It might be a counselor, a life coach, or a third party trained in conflict resolution.
It is totally possible to rebuild trust in any relationship you’ve ever had, even if someone does something idiotic to hurt you. The key is to know the person enough to see if it was intentional or not and whether they can change or not. Sometimes it just takes time, but these steps will make it easier to build trust.
